Weblog

Monday, 24 October 2011

  • he pretty much showed me most things about this school and this city. so everything i come across reminds me of him. it really sucks 

    even the library reminds me of him

    aiya, are females always like this when it comes to someone they like? 

    this sucks 

Friday, 21 October 2011

  • I feel happy because I saw him today -- which means I'm not completely over him. 

    I feel angry because I saw through his lies only today -- which means I'm severely handicapped when it comes to judging people. 

    I am miserable because I didn't notice anything before I said yes. I just blindly assumed that he did things out of pure kindness, because he seemed like that kind of person. Maybe I acted too happy go lucky and he wanted to break that. I laugh at everything because it's better than crying. Being happy is better than being sad. 

    I feel like a pet that he just wanted to try taming. Something different and weird that he wanted to experiment with. Like a replacement for her. 

    I hate feeling like this. I hate knowing this. I hate how I want to deny it even though my gut says it's true. I hate how paranoid I am. I hate how I still haven't gotten over him 100%. I hate how thinking if I saw him, I can still like normal. I acted normal all right. But now my emotions are running by me like a whirlwind and I have no idea what I'm supposed to feel in order to be normal again. 

    But he is definitely avoiding me. I didn't even try to get close to him but the moment we did, he moved away. At first I tried talking to him but he seemed unwilling, but sooner or later he gave in to not look like a bad person.

    Why? Am I that terrible a person? Does he think I'll attack him the moment we got within a foot of each other? 

    I just don't understand. Before we went out, we would sit so close we were touching. Now he doesn't even sit next to me. He sits next to her though. 

    Was I really just a plaything? 

    I don't really want to know, yet I really want to know just for a peace of mind. But I'm too scared to confront him. He's too smooth. His attitude makes everything so believable. I just can't do that again. I shouldn't believe him again. I should avoid him. For my own sanity. 

    I want to cry. 

    I want to let out all the tears I've been holding in for the past few weeks but they refuse to come out. 

    I don't want to think about this anymore. I already pushed it away from my thoughts. Why must they resurface? Is it because I feel they aren't resolved? 

    But in the end, he is a dick. I notice little things. I noticed all of them today. I know he's avoiding me despite what he said beforehand. 

  • Realizing that he has time to drive some kid back and forth to Houston as a bet over the weekend and not enough time to date me makes me realize that he broke up with me out of disinterest. 

    But are you for fucking serious?

    That seriously pisses me off. 

    Yeah, I come up with dirty jokes a lot but it doesn't mean that I am dirty. 

    Yeah, I don't submit easily to other people because it's not in my nature to submit to people. But I probably would have given in to reasonable requests. Sometimes I say no to joke around but I probably would have done it anyway. 

    Yeah, I act like an airhead even though I actually know what's going on, but most of the time I really don't know what's going on. 

    But what the fuck? 

    Was it because I "lacked" experience? 

    Why lead me on for an entire weekend and not just leave it alone after a day? 

    I would have been fine with that. Sure, I may feel a bit hurt. But dragging it on for a weekend doesn't make me feel any better. 

    Maybe he is an evil ass like his friend says. Or maybe he just like getting girls up on him. 

    Goddammit. 

    I'm so pissed off. 

    "It's fine I'll make time for you." 

    Yeah, I realize he's got a ton of work, but if he's got the time to come out to tonight's meeting and do things over the weekend then what the hell. 

    What the fucking hell. 

    Fucking shit don't just catch my attention and then leave me in a wreck. 

    Said he was going to ask me out after he graduates but he's planning on going to UCLA. How the hell does that work? Why is he giving me false hope when we both know he's spouting out lies? 

    Is this the "player" that all girls complain about? 

    Wow, now I really do know how they feel. It's quite traumatic and I don't blame them for not trusting other guys. 

    Never should have said yes. 

Wednesday, 12 October 2011

  • the more I think, the more I ponder how I even fell for someone who's personality is nowhere near similar to mine save for the fact we both like curry and things that aren't too sweet... 

    uhhh...

    yeah. 

    him: clean freak, christian, conservative, studious, mature, happy go lucky, nice, helpful, social butterfly, cooks, responsible 

    me: complete opposite

    of course, at the same time I wonder what about me did he even like 

    he said i was interesting...and cute... 

    cute is a plus, but that's only based on physical attraction; the interesting part makes me feel a bit like a pet especially because he wanted me to change all these things; he didn't try to force it on me, but he certainly did want it 

    so i dunno...

    but he was handed 7 projects to work on this week, so.... I see why we can't go out but honestly, he should've expected it if he's doing so much extracurrics... 

    So was it really just a fling for him or did he really have feelings for me? 

    I don't knowwww, I want to know...

    Gah, overindulgence is never a good thing. 

    But sometimes I feel like I liked him more because he gave off a fatherly/perfect husband aura than because he's just him... 

    Idk, I think I liked him..if I didn't, he wouldn't be on my mind most of the time these days right? 

Tuesday, 11 October 2011

  • I despise how much I crave your touch. I hate how the attention you used to give to me is no longer there. 

    I hate wondering if I was played. 

    I hate wondering if I was just someone to tease. 

    I hate wondering if you're truly too busy, or if you just lost interest because I couldn't be tamed. 

    I hate it all. 

boredb3rry

  • Visit boredb3rry's Xanga Site
    • Name: berreh
    • Location: Houston, Texas, United States
    • Gender: Male
    • Member Since: 9/12/2007

About Me

  • I rike food, bunnies, Hello Kitty, puppies

Groups

[no groups]

Pulse

Photostrip

[no photos]

Chatboard (1)

  • ZaWmInTu5
    hahah loser~ you dont ever get off the comptuer do you?